Student Hall of Fame [Drunk and Loud Outside My House At 3 a.m. Edition]

This town is small – like literally “village” small. Oh, yes – I also live between two frat houses. It’s fun. I’m only half sarcastic when I say that. Basically, this page is dedicated to: Crazy Shit I Overhear Or Witness By Trashed Students On a Regular Basis.

In the interests of clarity and ethics – I warn my students on the FIRST day of class: “If you are trashed, screaming nonsense outside my house, and you wake me up, I WILL LIVE TWEET YOUR RIDICULOUS STATEMENTS [without attribution].” So they know the consequences.

Overheard: “So, like, do you eat donuts off each other’s dicks and shit?” I presume this query concerned fraternity initiation ceremonies. If not, what the hell do I care? Don’t kink-shame, people.

I honestly just don’t know where to post this one, so why not here? Ride or Die Students™: A Play in Four Acts